Monkey’s Market Minute: May 21st, 2026

Disclaimer: Never take investment advice from strangers on the internet, especially monkeys. Learn how to manage your own money or seek out a professional who can give you personalized financial services. This newsletter is just my thoughts and opinions, and if you copy me and lose the money, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

- Nothing is happening. There was a rumor that Trump had agreed to a deal with Iran, but the more I looked into it, the more it looks like fake news.
source: https://x.com/SGhasseminejad/status/2057227833995325787 . https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/iran-warns-will-take-war-beyond-region-if-trump-restarts-attacks

- But, on the other hand, the new “peace deal optimism has had the effect of causing oil to fall and stocks to rise, so there’s that.
source: https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/renewed-peace-deal-optimism-sparks-oil-dollar-bond-yield-plunge-gold-stocks-soar , https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/stocks-gain-and-crude-falls-end-war-hopes-newsquawk-us-market-wrap

- So the bottom line is that nothing is happening except for unlikely rumors of a deal where Trump gives up, but because Israel is involved, that’s not going to happen.
source: https://x.com/Polymarket/status/2057119902306099696

Monkey’s Market Minute: May 18th, 2026

Disclaimer: Never take investment advice from strangers on the internet, especially monkeys. Learn how to manage your own money or seek out a professional who can give you personalized financial services. This newsletter is just my thoughts and opinions, and if you copy me and lose the money, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

- Trump is talking shit about how he’s going to destroy Iran again, I’m guessing to manipulate the markets so that he and his insiders can buy the dip before announcing that Iran is begging to make a deal by Tuesday or Wednesday to manipulate the markets the other way so the insiders can make more money.
source: https://x.com/ImBreckWorsham/status/2056127344557887588 , https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/we-shorting-goldman-derivs-desk-sees-cracks-meltup-trading-dynamic , https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/uranium-transfer-nuclear-limits-us-issues-5-peace-ultimatums-iran

- Nothing is going to happen. Iran won, and everyone knows it. The Regime is pretending the war is ongoing to avoid admitting defeat, and the economy is slowly slipping off the edge of a cliff. The SPR dump is scheduled to go on until July, which will deplete 172 million barrels, leaving only 243 million barrels left. If things don’t change by July, Trump will probably dump the rest of it to get through the midterms, and then the fun truly begins.
source: https://www.reuters.com/business/energy/us-will-replenish-every-barrel-oil-it-releases-strategic-petroleum-reserve-2026-05-15/

- The Zionists are recruiting Christian Nationalists to fight for them in Lebanon because Hezbollah’s FPV drones are kicking their ass. Be wary of a group called “Crusaders Active Club” trying to attract angry white people who want to stop the demographic replacement by joining the “crusade” to fight for Israel. With Nazis like these …
source: https://merovingian.club/web/@Terry@poa.st/116593877948472268

- Oil prices are higher since markets were expecting Trump to say something positive as the markets opened after the weekend, but I think it’s because he was in China last week and didn’t have a chance to manipulate markets, so he’s going to let them fall for a couple of days before manipulating them higher with more lies and bullshit.

- The bottom line is that the Regime is playing chicken with economics right now. The Chinese trip was a nothing burger as I expected, and now we’re back to Trump and Israel not wanting to admit they lost to Iran. Will anything happen this week? Doubtful. We’ll see what happens in the oil markets when the monthly contracts roll over in June and if Iran attacks the American ships after their 30-day window expires, but I doubt Iran will strike first. They’re enjoying the moral high ground, and they wouldn’t gain anything by striking first anyway. Welcome to the slow, boring death of the empire.

Monkey’s Market Minute: May 14th, 2026

Disclaimer: Never take investment advice from strangers on the internet, especially monkeys. Learn how to manage your own money or seek out a professional who can give you personalized financial services. This newsletter is just my thoughts and opinions, and if you copy me and lose the money, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

- Investors are apparently “panic buying” tech stocks even as inflation is exploding, the bond market is crashing, and we’ve lost the war. Why are investors “panic buying” tech stocks at a time like this? Because it’s not real. It’s all fraud and bullshit. The rest of the market is crashing, but the massively overpriced tech stocks are surging DURING inflation, DURING fucking inflation? Get the fuck out of here.
source: https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/jensen-sparks-big-tech-dip-buying-despite-volcanic-ppi-erupting-oil-bitcoin-battering , https://www.post-gazette.com/business/money/2026/05/13/stock-market-today-may-13-2026/stories/202605130027

- Israel is getting fucked up in Lebanon thanks to Hezbollah’s use of FPV drones, giving the Regime the Ukraine treatment. Ukraine is sending experienced trainers to Israel to train the IDF on how to deal with FPV drones. It’s not going well. Hezbollah also knows the government of Lebanon is compromised, and they are making plans to overthrow the puppet politicians themselves. Based. Meanwhile, the puppet government is condemning Iran for supporting Hezbollah and resisting Israel’s aggression. How dare they!
source: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/may/12/how-hezbollah-3d-printed-drones-challenging-israeli-military , https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/videos/international/hezbollah-drone-hunts-idf-soldier-dodges-israeli-defences-amid-lebanon-fighting/videoshow/131079635.cms , https://www.jpost.com/middle-east/article-895968 , https://shafaq.com/en/Middle-East/Lebanon-accuses-Iran-at-UN-of-fueling-war-with-Israel

- Trump’s trip to China is a big nothingburger. The media is largely ignoring it, which tells you everything you need to know.
source: https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/trump-says-open-china-landing-beijing-pomp-filled-red-carpet-airport-welcome

- Trump is scheduled to leave China on Friday, so nothing is going to happen for the rest of the week. Just enjoy the peace before the fireworks start again.

- The bottom line is that everything is on cruise control due to Trump’s trip to China. The wars are lost, but on hold. The economy is dogshit, but the markets are being propped up. Everything is artificially being frozen so Trump can pretend he isn’t a complete loser while he accomplishes nothing during these talks with Xi. I’m pretty sure all the Jewish CEOs he brought with them are making Xi an offer to sell the US out to save Israel from the bed they made themselves.

- On an unrelated note, I created a new YouTube channel completely unrelated to my MGTOW content, based around the game Identity V, which I enjoy. My avatar is a biblically accurate angel because I don’t have to animate the face at all. I use a voice changer as an attempt to disguise my voice, so if that bothers you, it is what it is.
Here is the link: https://www.youtube.com/@tfmidv25

NOTE: I couldn't upload the MMM yesterday because the site was taken down and replaced with a phishing site. I will post yesterday's news letter as a comment to this one.

Monkey’s Market Minute: May 12th, 2026

Disclaimer: Never take investment advice from strangers on the internet, especially monkeys. Learn how to manage your own money or seek out a professional who can give you personalized financial services. This newsletter is just my thoughts and opinions, and if you copy me and lose the money, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

- I’m afraid nothing is happening this week since Trump and Xi are scheduled to meet this week. Iran isn’t going to escalate, so don’t expect anything to happen.
source: https://www.reuters.com/world/china/rare-earths-deal-between-us-china-is-still-effect-us-official-says-2026-05-10/

- With Trump and Iran both publicly rejecting each other’s peace proposals, and the hopes for a peace deal plunging, it should surprise nobody that the stock market just hit a new all-time high today.
source: https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/oil-stocks-gold-bitcoin-iran-peace-deal-hopes-plunge , https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/options-market-has-flipped-top-goldman-trader-warns-gammaskew-extremes-mean-increasing

- India is rationing fuel as the oil shock spreads throughout Asia, and gasoline prices in California are over $6, so it should surprise nobody that oil prices remain under $100 at $99.30 for WTI.
source: https://www.zerohedge.com/commodities/modi-urges-indians-conserve-fuel-oil-shock-spreads , https://www.wsj.com/business/energy-oil/think-6-gas-is-bad-its-about-to-get-even-worse-in-california-354d3d2f , https://oilprice.com/Energy/Crude-Oil/Oil-Market-Runs-Down-Safety-Cushion-as-Supply-Shock-Worsens.html

- The only thing worth mentioning today is that it’s apparently been leaked that the Regime will use the V-22 to airdrop soldiers into Iran. The V-22 is a hybrid helicopter. I’ll include a picture of one with the newsletter since it would be easier to show you rather than tell you. It’s not a new aircraft; it was developed in the late 80s and has been used by special forces since then. The problem with the ground invasion of Iran isn’t getting the troops into Iran; it’s overcoming the fact that you’re severely outnumbered by a well-defended enemy and cut off from any retreat or resupply.
source: https://merovingian.club/web/@Terry@poa.st/116558386627374852

- Oh, and it’s not just me calling it. The Atlantic has declared that Trump is “checkmated” in Iran and cannot win even if he tried.
source: https://www.theatlantic.com/international/2026/05/iran-war-trump-losing/687094/

- The bottom line is that I don’t expect anything significant to happen until the meeting between Trump and Xi is over. The market is so fake and gay that I can’t even look at it anymore. Not even for entertainment.

Monkey’s Market Minute: May 8th, 2026

Disclaimer: Never take investment advice from strangers on the internet, especially monkeys. Learn how to manage your own money or seek out a professional who can give you personalized financial services. This newsletter is just my thoughts and opinions, and if you copy me and lose the money, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

- The US Navy attacked an Iranian oil tanker, so the Iranians attacked the ships. According to the Iranians, they damaged the ships severely, but according to the Regime, they missed entirely, but the ships fled anyway for funsies. The Regime then shot missiles at Bandar Abbas and Qeshm Island. Iran has implicated that the UAE was also involved in the attack, and will be responding.
source: https://x.com/sahouraxo/status/2052492610174935289 , https://x.com/ripplebrain/status/2052533036177146120 , https://x.com/HormuzLetter/status/2052475486601699804 , https://x.com/Megatron_ron/status/2052511742157349128 , https://x.com/RT_com/status/2052523815352041715 , https://x.com/MyLordBebo/status/2052556533649625334

- Regarding the Hanta Virus. Everyone is worried that they’re gearing up for more COVID lockdowns, but I think this is just one of those things that happened, and the system will work as intended, and it’ll be dealt with quickly. Why do I say that? Two reasons:

1. The media isn’t hyping up the fear like they were with COVID. They appear to be keeping people calm.

2. There is no safe vaccine for the elites to use to protect themselves. There have been hantavirus vaccines in the works, but they all cause severe side effects. The Elites won’t release a pandemic unless they know it’s a hoax (i.e., reclassifying seasonal flu as COVID) or if they have a “cure” for themselves so that only the desired target population dies. They’re not going to release a virus with no cure or vaccine that will kill them.

- Remember when there was an Obola scare, and it was handled quickly, quietly, and was forgotten bout in a month? That’s what I predict will happen here. The government does have systems for dealing with actual deadly diseases, and those systems save lives. It’s just that those systems can be used for corrupt power grabs as well. Maybe I’m wrong, and the Jews did it, but I think this will blow over in a couple of weeks after all the infected cases are quarantined.

- So now that the war is officially back on, you won’t be surprised to learn that oil prices fell under $100 again based on an unprecedented amount of options contracts flooding the market all at once. I know you’re shocked, right? Who could have foreseen this?
source: https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/record-shattering-call-options-activity-sparks-goldman-partner-warning-markets-semi , https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/irans-yellow-cake-red-line-ruins-black-gold-driven-green-day-hopes-stocks

- So the bottom line is that, from reports, the Regime was not expecting Iran to retaliate so aggressively, and if the war goes back to missile tag, America will begin depleting its ammo stock before it’s even ready for the ground invasion. Womp womp.
source: https://x.com/RyanRozbiani/status/2052489121050825068

Monkey’s Market Minute: May 7th, 2026

Disclaimer: Never take investment advice from strangers on the internet, especially monkeys. Learn how to manage your own money or seek out a professional who can give you personalized financial services. This newsletter is just my thoughts and opinions, and if you copy me and lose the money, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

- Nothing really to report since the show earlier today. Trump pumped and dumped futures, and insiders made money through insider trading, as you do. The TLDR is that Trump announced that a deal was in the works and the war was over, then Iran called Trump out for his bullshit, but in the intervening time, insiders were able to make money by front-running the announcement and selling before Iran could debunk their lies. This is the President of the United States and his inner circle treating the markets like a crypto scam.

- The Regime’s cope for cancelling “Operation Freedom” after a single day without admitting that Iran called their bluff and fired drones at them, is that Saudi Arabia and other Arab “allies” told them they weren’t going to let the US use their bases, and that’s why they cancelled Operation Freedom.

- There’s not much else to mention. The FBI is going to release more alien files to distract you because they think you’re that stupid.

- We’re draining the SPR currently, and oil is still above $100 with nowhere to go but up.

- The bottom line is that nothing happened. The 30-day countdown has begun. Iran has vowed to attack the US if they don’t withdraw their blocade and admit defeat. They’re not going to let them float out in the Arabian Sea and pretend not to lose like with Ukraine. Tick Tock.

Monkey’s Market Minute: May 5th, 2026

Disclaimer: Never take investment advice from strangers on the internet, especially monkeys. Learn how to manage your own money or seek out a professional who can give you personalized financial services. This newsletter is just my thoughts and opinions, and if you copy me and lose the money, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

- I was wrong. I thought through the data and behavior and came up with a reasonable scenario that fit all the available data and would accomplish the goals of the various parties, and I couldn’t think of an alternative, which is why I was so confident. However, I always put a caveat that I can’t predict genuine stupidity. If someone does something retarded, I can’t predict that. It’s not that I can’t see the possibility of someone doing something stupid, but I have to believe that someone is going to speak up and say “that’s fucking retarded” and put a stop to it. I shouldn’t be smarter than the most powerful people on Earth.

- So “Operation Freedom” was not a kayfabe wherein Trump gets Iran to let some ships go so that Trump can declare victory, drop the blockade, and sail away while saving face. The retard just sent a missile destroyer into the Strait of Hormuz, which ignored repeated Iranian warnings, and was hit by several drones, blowing the shit out of the rear hull, which caused the ship to turn around and run away. He honestly expected Iran to cuck for no reason after winning. What a dumbass.

- Now the US appears to be preparing for the prophesied big attack on Iran, but wait … a Trump insider just opened a $6M short on oil, which means if the pattern of following the insider trading holds up, then oil is about to crash, which means the US will cuck because Iran didn’t JUST attack the destroyer, but they also destroyed the UAE’s terminal which bypassed the Strait of Hormuz, and basically said that no oil moves without Iran’s say so, and the UAE is their bitch now.
source: https://x.com/DeFi_Hanzo/status/2051257761254564018 , https://merovingian.club/web/@Terry@poa.st/116519144246137137 , https://merovingian.club/web/@Terry@poa.st/116518797501170766 , https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2026/05/developing-ceasefire-apparently-as-iran-fires-missiles-uae/

- Hedge funds are dumping tech and oil is back over $100 again.
source: https://x.com/GlobalMktObserv/status/2051306102860472443 , https://x.com/jimstewartson/status/2051331982093947092

- I know that there is supposedly a Trump insider shorting oil, and what Trump did and is doing makes no logical sense, so maybe this is just a ploy to make more money using insider trading, because if Trump actually is doing what he appears to be doing, he’s the dumbest piece of shit ever. I’m still in disbelief that “Operation Freedom” was just Trump expecting the Iranians to cuck for no reason and let him win to avoid a second phase of the war that they won.

- Sadly, what this means is that my analysis is useless. I can’t predict stupidity. Either this is a ploy to make money using insider trading, or Trump just wrote the biggest check with his mouth that his ass cannot cash whatsoever.

- The bond market might also be blowing up, or it might be a glitch, hard to say. China has an incentive to dump its remaining bonds because they are defying US sanctions on Iran, but there is no confirmation, and it could be a glitch … we’ll see. If China is aggressively dumping bonds, that’s a troubling sign that Trump REEEEEAAAAALLLY fucked up.
source: https://x.com/DarioCpx/status/2051191081392582857

- The bottom line is that either this is an insider-trading scheme or shit’s about to get really spicy. I’m honestly happy that Iran attacked the ship and that I was wrong about the kayfabe. That was just the only scenario I could think of that fit the data, but Trump is just a dumbass. He’s a typical boomer who is too old and stubborn to do anything but double down. Good! I can’t wait for more footage of Tel Aviv being destroyed. I’m sure China is very pleased to see the US using up its Asian arsenal against Iran as well. Between Biden and Trump’s boomer retardation, the Regime is destroying itself at a pace I couldn’t have guessed.

Monkey’s Market Minute: May 4th, 2026

Disclaimer: Never take investment advice from strangers on the internet, especially monkeys. Learn how to manage your own money or seek out a professional who can give you personalized financial services. This newsletter is just my thoughts and opinions, and if you copy me and lose the money, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

Trump has announced "Project Freedom" to liberate the ships trapped in the Strait of Hormuz, which are only there because the United States and Israel violated a ceasefire and blockaded Iran (ineffectually) in the first place, using several disposable missile destroyers staffed with approximately 15,000 personnel. This is happening because "Operation Epic Fury" is officially over, as it's been 60 days. Trump has to go to Congress if he wants to continue the war, so he's created this "humanitarian crisis" to justify further aggression without Congress having to actually declare war, and that's all.

When Iran destroys the ships, Trump will clutch his pearls and pretend that the Iranians attacked for no reason at all, and the media will parrot everything while the MAGAtards claim Trump is a genius because he made Iran attack again, which was all part of his 6D chess move.

None of this matters. It's just a shame that Trump is sacrificing the lives of these Navy personnel for nothing, but at least they'll die for Israel, right?

There is a chance that Iran just lets the ships go, despite them only being held due to the actions of the Regime, simply to take away Trump's justification for a continued war, which Trump will hail as a great victory, and the MAGAtards will cheer about what a genius he is, and how it was all part of his 7D chess move. Maybe that's the plan to give America an "out" and save face after losing, so they'll fuck off.

The markets are going to follow developments in the Strait of Hormuz, seasoned with pro-Regime spin and propaganda. If Iran lets the ships go and gives Trump a "win", stocks will soar as the perception will be that the war is over. If Iran sinks the battleships, giving Trump a cause to attack Iran again, stocks might crash unless the government props them up irrationally. It's hard to say, but my hunch is that Trump doesn't want a war, but he needs a "win", so Iran lets the ships go, America leaves the region, and the blockade is quietly abandoned, giving Iran everything it demanded, but will be seen as a victory by those who want to be lied to.

Then things will shift to Cuba and World War 3. Why not keep the focus on Iran if the goal is to stoke World War 3 fears? Because of Israel. The Regime wants to protect Israel at all costs, so moving the focus from Iran to Cuba means Iran can be quietly memory-holed and Russia and China can take center-stage.

Finally, China has directed its oil refinery companies to ignore all threats from the US regarding sanctions. This is a big move and means China is fully prepared to completely de-dollarize now, or else they wouldn't be doing this. The Chinese are patient and never make a move unless they know with absolute certainty that it's going to end in their favor, no matter what.

The bottom line is that we will see what Iran does and how "Project Freedom" goes. If I were Iran, I'd sink the ships, but I know the goal is to help America save face as they admit defeat. It's all fake and gay. Everything is just pro wrestling with boomers who can't even throw a punch any longer, the worst kind of pro wrestling.

Monkey’s Market Minute: April 30th, 2026

Disclaimer: Never take investment advice from strangers on the internet, especially monkeys. Learn how to manage your own money or seek out a professional who can give you personalized financial services. This newsletter is just my thoughts and opinions, and if you copy me and lose the money, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

- News has gotten out that Iran can move oil by train, and that the blockade is a joke. Trump is now threatening to attack Iran again. However, I believe the action by the UAE is strong evidence that they will not. If they attack Iran, Iran will destroy the UAE, and they won’t be able to increase oil supplies and will have left OPEC for nothing. The Regime is saying one thing but doing another, and I always follow what someone does rather than what they say.

- The markets are shitting the bed today because not only is the war back on (for now), and commodities are spiking, but the FED kept interest rates at the current level and didn’t cut them. Looks like that Trump insider who went long on oil over the weekend was right. You gotta love the rigged casino.

There isn’t much to talk about. The tech companies lost money because of higher costs and lower revenue, but again, I believe Trump won’t attack Iran because Iran will destroy the UAE and oil will go much higher, negating the benefit of the UAE leaving OPEC in order to increase production. I predict Trump will calm the markets down by the end of the week only to reignite fears over the weekend and then calm them on Monday when the markets reopen. Get used to this happening every week until the midterms are over and Trump is impeached.

- Sorry this newsletter is so short. The markets are fake and gay, and it’s up to Israel whether or not the war enters a new phase, so we’re just waiting for them to do something stupid.

Monkey’s Market Minute: April 28th, 2026

Disclaimer: Never take investment advice from strangers on the internet, especially monkeys. Learn how to manage your own money or seek out a professional who can give you personalized financial services. This newsletter is just my thoughts and opinions, and if you copy me and lose the money, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

- Nothing is really happening in Iran. Iran has offered to make a deal with America regarding the Strait of Hormuz only and putting the nuclear issue aside, which is probably a good deal for Trump, and he’s currently “thinking about it.” Iran also met with Putin, which could mean that Iran will bring in Russia as a guarantor of peace with America and Israel.
source: https://x.com/MyLordBebo/status/2048928186554110422 , https://x.com/RT_com/status/2048893570979872894 , https://x.com/StealthQE4/status/2048932784245195086

- Speaking of Israel, they broke the ceasefire (nooooo, really?) and bombed deep into Lebanon, and the government of Lebanon blamed Hezbollah for “dragging the nation into war” instead of Israel for bombing innocent people. I get it, the government of Lebanon is weak and cannot defend itself from Israel. The irony is that Israel did it to them. They wanted a weak neighbor that they could bully, so the government of Lebanon has a shit military by design, which is why they can’t do anything about Hezbollah. If the government could deal with Hezbollah, it would have the strength to resist Israel, which Israel doesn’t want. They just keep making their own problems and blaming everyone but themselves.
source: https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/israel-bombs-deep-lebanon-first-time-3-week-ceasefire

- None of this means anything unless Trump takes Iran’s deal, which Israel won’t let him do. Either something happens now, or something happens later when the situation becomes more desperate, and the government’s manipulation begins to break down, and the economic situation falls apart.
source: https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/iran-offers-new-proposal-reopen-strait-trump-open-sealing-deal-phone , https://www.zerohedge.com/energy/goldman-goes-code-red-global-petrochemical-shock

- In the markets, OpenAI missed its revenue and user targets as they’re worried that they won’t be able to come up with the $1.5T they promised to fund the AI circle jerk. *yawn* Nothing to see here. AI bubble to the moon. New all-time highs based on nothing coming soon!
source: https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/openai-misses-revenue-user-targets-cfo-fears-15-trillion-commitments-cant-be-paid

- This Wednesday is the big tech companies' (Mag7) quarterly earnings reports, but even if they miss their targets like OpenAI, nothing will happen. The government is nowhere near the point where it will actually allow the markets to crash. There might be a small pullback of 10% of so, which will recover quickly once the world doesn’t end after a day or two and the normies pour back into the same tech stocks that are losing money.
source: https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/ahead-wednesdays-mag-7-earnings-juggernaut-why-600-billion-capex-may-not-be-enough , https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/calm-storm-markets-go-nowhere-ahead-event-risk-heavy-week , https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/semis-have-completely-dislocated-ism-readings-gap-always-closes-one-way-or-another

- So the bottom line is that nothing is happening because Trump hasn’t decided to take Iran’s deal. After all, Israel doesn’t want him to, but he has no other choice but to move forward with the doomed ground offensive or launch a false flag to justify a larger ground offensive and a draft. Just enjoy the quiet and do something enjoyable this week. If the war reignites or if Trump takes the deal, it doesn’t really matter. The economy is fucked either way.

Monkey’s Market Minute: April 27th, 2026

Disclaimer: Never take investment advice from strangers on the internet, especially monkeys. Learn how to manage your own money or seek out a professional who can give you personalized financial services. This newsletter is just my thoughts and opinions, and if you copy me and lose the money, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

- There isn’t much to say. As the week begins, Trump is threatening Iran again and surely will announce that Iran is begging for a deal, which will be scheduled for Friday after the markets close. Iran will say Trump is lying, the markets will hit new all-time highs, and on Friday, Trump will cancel the meeting because there was never a meeting to begin with. Lather – Rinse – Repeat until the energy crisis strikes in full force later this year.
source: https://x.com/MarioNawfal/status/2048543395451191486

- However, there is a rumor that a Trump insider has put a $28M long on oil, which means he’s betting oil is about to spike, which could mean an escalation will happen this week. We’ll see. Iran is fully prepared. Let’s start this party already. It’s telling that the best indicator for what is really happening is based on watching gambling markets for corrupt insider trading.
source: https://x.com/VladTheInflator/status/2048581227708588245

- In the markets and economy, Goldman Sachs is warning investors about a market pullback, and Scott Bessent is defending the swap lines with the UAE and confirming that the swap lines are extended to both the Middle East and Asia, which means that it’s everyone who uses the dollar and not just Europe.
source: https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/goldman-desk-braces-market-pullback-five-warning-signs-are-flashing , https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/bessent-defends-us-dollar-swap-lines-uae-considers-formal-funding-request

- So the bottom line is that I don’t see anything that makes this week special or more likely than last week for the Regime to launch their attack against Iran, but the insider trading indicates that this might be the week they do something, and the fireworks begin. We’ll just have to see. Iran isn’t going to strike first since they’re in the winning position.

- Breaking News: As I was writing this newsletter, Axios, which lies all the time and spreads obvious propaganda, reported that Iran is going to open the Strait of Hormuz for literally no reason, and this is being reported everywhere as if it’s serious and real. I can’t anymore with this shit. I just can’t.
source: https://x.com/Polymarket/status/2048584959481254399 , https://x.com/MarioNawfal/status/2048575859246924278 , https://x.com/RT_com/status/2048580098966852059

Monkey’s Market Minute: April 24th, 2026

Disclaimer: Never take investment advice from strangers on the internet, especially monkeys. Learn how to manage your own money or seek out a professional who can give you personalized financial services. This newsletter is just my thoughts and opinions, and if you copy me and lose the money, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

- Today Iran’s air defenses shot down several Israeli drones over Iranian airspace originating from Kurdistan in Iraq. Iran launched missile strikes against the Kurds in response. Is this an isolated incident, or the opening moves in the new phase of the war ahead of the main offensive this weekend?
source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bkum993Yx_U

- Israel has agreed to a 3-week extended ceasefire in Lebanon as they are presumably going to focus on Iran.
source: https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/us-intercepts-iranian-tankers-tehran-keeps-hormuz-chokepoint-shut , https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/israel-waiting-us-greenlight-renew-iran-war-new-targets-marked-says-katz

- The markets dipped today with the war imminent and all, but I fully expect some retarded bullshit tomorrow. Trump will announce that he won the war again and the markets will go to all-time highs, and then the shooting will start after the markets closed.
source: https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/stocks-hit-and-crude-gains-choppy-geopolitics-driven-trade-newsquawk-us-market-wrap , https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/stocks-slide-oil-surges-iran-war-fears-semi-honey-badger-higher-17th-straight-day

- There’s more to discuss like the Middle East being given swap lines and more money printing, but all of that will manifest as an after effect of losing the war in Iran, so it doesn’t really matter. If Trump wasn’t an Israeli puppet, he would pull out and take the “L” but he won’t because he is.

- The bottom line is that we’re just waiting for the fireworks to (re)start. Let’s get this over with, shall we?

Monkey’s Market Minute: April 23rd, 2026

Disclaimer: Never take investment advice from strangers on the internet, especially monkeys. Learn how to manage your own money or seek out a professional who can give you personalized financial services. This newsletter is just my thoughts and opinions, and if you copy me and lose the money, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

- The US seized more ships, so Iran seized more ships. Iran has currently seized more ships than the US. Also, the top admiral of the Navy abruptly resigned, meaning Trump is probably planning on bringing the aircraft carriers closer to Iran, where they’ll be heavily seasoned with missiles, and the top admiral doesn’t want that blood on his hands. This is hard evidence that Trump is not going to seek an off-ramp and that the big offensive is still on, but the military brass know it’s doomed and are jumping ship.
source: https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/iran-seizes-two-ships-hormuz-chokepoint-tehran-received-some-signs-us-ready-end , https://www.aol.com/articles/trump-navy-secretary-resigns-effective-223649714.html

- The Lebanese ceasefire appears to be collapsing, but it’ll probably hold until the weekend when the big offensive (probably) happens. Americans are being advised to depart Lebanon now while the ceasefire holds.
source: https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/embassy-tells-americans-still-lebanon-depart-now-while-flights-available-ceasefire

- Are the markets still fake and gay? Of course!
source: https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/stocks-shrug-surging-oil-prices-bitcoin-rips-tehran-turbocharges-tensions-trump

- I’m sorry that this newsletter is so short. It’s just that everything hinges on the Iran War, which would have ended a long time ago if not for Israel, but like I said, this is the hill the Regime will die on because of Israel.

- The bottom line is that the rest of the week is likely to be quiet as the US and Israel prepare for a possible big offensive this weekend. Iran is fully prepared, so we’re waiting for the Regime to initiate the naval offensive that caused the head of the navy to resign in disgust today.

Monkey’s Market Minute: April 21st, 2026

Disclaimer: Never take investment advice from strangers on the internet, especially monkeys. Learn how to manage your own money or seek out a professional who can give you personalized financial services. This newsletter is just my thoughts and opinions, and if you copy me and lose the money, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

- This is how the Iran War went today: Trump claimed Iran was agreeing to more negotiations to prop the markets up, Iran denied it, then the western media claimed that Iran was joking and cited two unnamed Pakistani sources that said Iran is totally going to agree to negotiations, and Iran denied it. At the end of the day, actions speak louder than words, and once the missiles start flying again, it’s going to be pretty obvious there aren’t going to be any more negotiations. I’m a bit surprised that Israel and America didn’t break the ceasefire first, especially Israel, since that’s kind of their signature move. Anyway, the ceasefire expires tomorrow, so let’s get this over with.
source: https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/iran-says-no-plans-talks-after-us-seizure-cargo-ship-pakistanis-contradict-oil-prices , https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/iran-says-no-plans-talks-after-us-seizure-cargo-ship-pakistanis-contradict-oil-prices , https://x.com/DanielLDavis1/status/2046395846757953595

- The markets are as fake and gay as they ever were. We’ll see what happens tomorrow. If Iran agrees to a ceasefire extension, stocks will go to new all-time highs and oil will fall again. If Iran starts launching missiles again, then the opposite will happen. There is no point speculating or analyzing anything because the Iran War is driving the market, followed closely by Trump’s endless market manipulation.
source: https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/oil-jumps-tech-dumps-gold-slumps-blockade-booms-ceasefire-looms , https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/us-stocks-finished-mixed-geopolitics-dominated-headlines-and-conflicting-reports-about-us

- It’s worth pointing out that the damage in the Middle East will already cause a global recession in a few months. Even if the war ended tomorrow with a deal, it’s fucked. Another round of fighting, especially if Iran makes the Middle East uninhabitable and there is a failed ground offensive by the United States, will just add gasoline to the fire that’s already burning under the surface. I’m not losing any sleep missing out on the stock market right now, and you shouldn’t either. The only people making money are the insiders who are illegally trading using insider information and manipulating the market.

- The bottom line is that we’ll see what happens tomorrow. Nothing else to say.

Monkey’s Market Minute: April 20th, 2026

Disclaimer: Never take investment advice from strangers on the internet, especially monkeys. Learn how to manage your own money or seek out a professional who can give you personalized financial services. This newsletter is just my thoughts and opinions, and if you copy me and lose the money, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

- Trump proposed another round of negotiations in Pakistan with Iran, but Iran said they’re not interested in more meetings until the US is willing to agree with the 10-point conditions. Trump then seized an Iranian cargo carrier that was returning from China (which had left before the blockade towards China and was returning home). The US Navy attacked and seized the merchant vessel, and Iran said that the US has violated the ceasefire and that they are preparing a response. Since there will be no ceasefire extension and the US violated the ceasefire, we’re waiting to see what Iran’s response will be. The US Navy is sitting out of range of Iranian missiles, and its blockade is only effective because merchant ships are so painfully slow that anyone can catch up with them if they want. I predict that Iranian ships will shortly become Chinese or Russian ships, but nothing will otherwise change. The Iranians can’t attack the US Navy directly, and since Navy ships are mobile, they’re not ideal targets for long-range missiles anyway. If I were Iran, I would simply change my merchant vessels from Iran to China or Russia and let them deal with the blockade however they want. Meanwhile, I would hit Israel. That’ll bring the US running back to Israel’s defense to provide missile support, which will put them in range of Iran’s missiles: Bait the trap, lure the prey, spring the trap.
source: https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/no-more-mr-nice-guy-trump-sends-witkoff-pakistan-us-iran-talks-hormuz-traffic-freezes

- In a bit of random news, Palantir posted its manifesto, called “The Technological Republic,” on X. Alex Karp is Jewish and supports Israel, but you can read the post and see that he isn’t a death cultist who wants mass sacrifice to fulfill some bullshit prophecy of the Messiah and Greater Israel. Again, the Technocracy is NOT the good guys, but between the death cult Zionists and literal Communists, they’re the least shitty bad guys.
source: https://x.com/PalantirTech/status/2045574398573453312

- The markets are pulling back as the commodities markets open, but I expect Trump to say some bullshit about Iran begging for a ceasefire and agreeing to finger Netanyahu’s asshole as Trump sucks him off, and for stocks to go to new all-time highs. The only thing that will cause markets to realize Trump is obviously lying again is if Iran starts launching missiles again. No missiles means the war is over, and whatever Trump says is close enough to true to bet your life savings on.
source: https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/jpmorgans-top-commodity-analyst-shocked-prices-are-falling-nothing-has-improved , https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/hartnett-its-bull-trap

- So the bottom line is that the fireworks might restart a day earlier than expected, but it ultimately doesn’t make a difference. The outcome is already fixed. Enjoy the show.

Monkey’s Market Minute: April 17th, 2026

Disclaimer: Never take investment advice from strangers on the internet, especially monkeys. Learn how to manage your own money or seek out a professional who can give you personalized financial services. This newsletter is just my thoughts and opinions, and if you copy me and lose the money, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

- Nothing is happening with Iran. As I said, things are going to be quiet and boring until the ceasefire ends next week, then things are going to explode (literally).
source: https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/hegseth-vows-hormuz-blockade-continue-long-it-takes-ships-now-subject-search-outright , https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/trumps-blockade-breaking-iran-and-european-elites-are-angry , https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/iran-boasts-it-fast-rebuilding-bridges-rail-lines-after-us-wrought-destruction

- The markets are still fake and gay, breaking new all-time high records even as oil falls more. Paper crude futures are $93 while actual crude oil in Singapore and Sri Lanka is over $200.
source: https://oilprice.com/Energy/Oil-Prices/Whats-Next-for-Oil-Prices44114.html , https://x.com/CheburekiMan/status/2044840486901522833

- The only thing worth mentioning is that there was a meeting in China today between Russian Foreign Minister Lavrov and his Chinese counterpart, Wang Yi, and one interesting statement was that Russia and China are “interested in ensuring” that the West fails to maintain/renew its hegemony. This isn’t a huge deal because it’s just talk, but it confirms the obvious, which is that Russia and China aren’t going to sit on their hands and let the US destroy Iran, Cuba, etc.
source: https://www.facebook.com/MIDRussia/posts/-statement-and-answers-to-media-questions-by-russias-foreign-minister-sergey-lav/1301015472221510/ , https://us.china-embassy.gov.cn/eng/zgyw/202604/t20260416_11893219.htm , https://x.com/Amockx2022/status/2044932854799647078

- So the bottom line is that nothing is likely to happen until the ceasefire expires, so enjoy a peaceful, quiet week and touch grass or something. It’s Spring. Enjoy some warm weather and pollen allergies.

Monkey’s Market Minute: April 16th, 2026

Disclaimer: Never take investment advice from strangers on the internet, especially monkeys. Learn how to manage your own money or seek out a professional who can give you personalized financial services. This newsletter is just my thoughts and opinions, and if you copy me and lose the money, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

- The markets are still fake and gay.
source: https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/deal-or-no-deal-risk-roller-coasters-deal-hope-trumps-hormuz-dead-end , https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/whats-behind-meltup-complete-hedge-fund-institutional-and-retail-flow-and-positiong , https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/us-stocks-steadily-rebounded-us-and-iran-talks-remain-ongoing-newsquawk-asia-pac-market , https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/goldman-stocks-face-final-battle-hormuz-outcome-decides-game

- Regarding Iran, the Western media is reporting that Iran has agreed to let the US use the Strait of Hormuz for literally nothing as a “face-saving measure” based on literally nothing. Total bullshit.
source: https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/war-very-close-over-trump-says-iran-ceasefire-extension-reportedly-advances-more-us

- All the sources I’m seeing are saying that Iran is using the last week of the ceasefire to dig out the collapsed tunnels in its missile cities and prepare for the next phase of the war. They are also excited about the ground invasion because they can do math. Meanwhile, I was right that the US is preparing one massive bombing campaign with all the bombs they’ve pulled from Asia to replenish their supplies to try and accomplish in one day what they couldn’t in 40. My guess (although this isn’t mentioned) is that this will be done to soften defenses against the ground invasion because that’s the only card America can play.
source: https://x.com/RT_com/status/2044598182198616450

- So the bottom line is that the next week is likely to be boring as the Regime manipulates the markets to Hell and back and makes up stories about Iran cucking. I’ll keep my eyes open for updates, but nothing is likely to happen until the ceasefire expires. Maybe Israel will start the party early because they never found a ceasefire they didn’t violate.

Monkey’s Market Minute: April 14th, 2026

Disclaimer: Never take investment advice from strangers on the internet, especially monkeys. Learn how to manage your own money or seek out a professional who can give you personalized financial services. This newsletter is just my thoughts and opinions, and if you copy me and lose the money, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

- I’m going to keep things short because, aside from developments in the war with Iran, nothing else matters, but we’re still technically in a ceasefire as Trump imposes his blockade of Iran to make double-sure than the oil markets crash (that’ll show em’). So here is the update for today:

- The blockade has begun, and so far, nothing has happened in terms of missiles or explosions. Iran is surely taking this time to repair everything and get their launchers ready to cause another round of “laundry fires” on these ships when the time comes.

- China has said that they are sending its ships to Iran, and they expect America to allow them to pass. They didn’t threaten America, which Trump will take as a sign of weakness. Two Chinese ships were forced to turn around today by the Americans, so the ball is in China’s court to respond. I don’t expect China to attack the blockade with their navy or anything. They’ll most likely impose additional export restrictions on America as a quid pro quo for the US blocking their oil.
source: https://www.reuters.com/world/china/us-military-enforce-blockade-gulf-oman-arabian-sea-note-seafarers-2026-04-13/ , https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/oil-tanker-going-china-forced-reverse-course-crossing-hormuz-under-us-blockade

- So that’s the update. The blockade is on. They’ve interfered with China’s trade, and China is being too subtle in their response, which Trump will perceive as weakness and aggress further. Iran has shown the way. If you try diplomacy, you get aggression and war crimes committed against you. If you fuck their shit up, Trump cucks out and begs for a ceasefire. For some reason, Russia and China are still being diplomatic.

- In the markets, the blockade and imminent economic crash have been deemed bullish by Wall Street, causing the S&P 500 to become positive and for oil to fall below $100. How does that make sense? The narrative is that there is “deal hope”, but no, there isn’t. They’re just going to keep manipulating the markets without even the pretext of plausible deniability. If you’re still investing at this point, you already knew the markets were fake and gay.
source: https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/deal-or-no-deal-risk-roller-coasters-deal-hope-trumps-hormuz-dead-end , https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/whats-behind-meltup-complete-hedge-fund-institutional-and-retail-flow-and-positiong

- So the bottom line is that Iran’s plan to cause an energy crisis to bring down the western economies is being countered by Trump, causing an energy crisis and bringing down the western economies, but the trick is that he’s going to lie about it and manipulate the markets and pretend that manipulating futures prices will make oil supply magically appear from nowhere. It’s a pretty ballsy plan, some might even call it delusional and insane. One might even go as far as to say that this is completely retarded and doesn’t even make sense on paper, but this is what we’re doing, and it’s up to Iran and China to deal with it, or not. Maybe Iran just chills out and lets Trump take credit for causing the energy crisis. Who knows? The ceasefire supposedly ends automatically next week, but I expect things to heat up before then.

Monkey’s Market Minute: April 13th, 2026

Disclaimer: Never take investment advice from strangers on the internet, especially monkeys. Learn how to manage your own money or seek out a professional who can give you personalized financial services. This newsletter is just my thoughts and opinions, and if you copy me and lose the money, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

- The ceasefire negotiations failed because JD Vance was constantly getting phone calls from Netanyahu, and the negotiations shifted from peace to recognizing Israel, at which point the Iranians walked away, refusing to negotiate with Israel.
source: https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/world/middle-east/how-a-netanyahu-phone-call-to-jd-vance-shifted-focus-in-iran-us-negotiations/articleshow/130216264.cms

- The plan now is so retarded that I’m shocked. Trump is going to blockade the Strait of Hormuz and shut down all oil traffic himself. How does this help? It doesn’t, in fact, it does exactly what Iran was trying to do, which is cause a financial crisis and bring down the economies of America and Europe. What does Trump think he’s doing? The MAGAtards are coping and saying that the blockade is a good thing because it means countries will have to buy American oil. If that was true, why was Trump trying to reopen the Stait or Hormuz for the last 2 months, you copium addicted retard? I think the only way Trump can claim a win is to side with Iran and claim that bringing down the global economy was his idea, since that’s what’s going to happen anyway.
source: https://www.zerohedge.com/energy/uae-oil-chief-warns-world-cant-allow-hormuz-closure-2-tankers-u-turn-and-us-emerges-last

- The idea that blockading Middle Eastern oil will benefit Americans is based on American oil companies making more money due to higher prices, but prices will skyrocket for EVERYONE, including Americans, and the economy will crash. We can’t afford $200 oil even if we’re selling it on the other side. Why do you think Trump was lifting sanctions on Russia and manipulating oil for weeks if skyrocketing oil was a good thing for America? These people are so high on copium that they don’t even hear how stupid they sound to everyone else.

- I hope you guys have been taking my advice and preparing your disaster prep because you’re going to see massive shortages, followed by massive price increases in the next few weeks and into the rest of the year for the foreseeable future. There is no way out of this unless we cut Israel loose and leave it to its fate.

- In the markets, now that the commodities markets are open after the weekend, oil is back above $100. Soon, $100 is going to seem cheap.

- So the bottom line is that I don’t know what Trump’s next move is. I can’t predict stupidity. Blockading Iran and reinforcing their closure of Hormuz was not on the Bingo Card. Either launch the ground invasion and exhaust the missiles you’ve taken from Asia so we can get this over with, or remove Trump and have JD Vance do something.

Monkey’s Market Minute: April 10th, 2026

Disclaimer: Never take investment advice from strangers on the internet, especially monkeys. Learn how to manage your own money or seek out a professional who can give you personalized financial services. This newsletter is just my thoughts and opinions, and if you copy me and lose the money, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

- I was genuinely worried yesterday when Iran went forward with the negotiations after Israel attacked Lebanon and Trump lied about what he agreed to. I thought for sure Iran would just cancel everything and go back to bombing the shit out of the gathering troops in the region (now up to 50,000). It looked like Iran was making the same mistake as the last two times and cucking. There were rumors of some liberal politicians who were intentionally spared from assassination by the Regime, orchestrating a soft coup and surrendering to the Regime. It looks like those fears weren’t realized. The negotiations were cancelled due to Israel, but Iran hasn’t returned to attacking US forces in the region yet. They are telling the US to control Israel and that any negotiations will involve the entire Axis of Resistance, not just Iran. We’ll know the negotiations have truly ended once the US and Iran begin bombing each other again. Iran is allowing the US to gather their ground invasion forces without attacking them, but Iran must have a plan for that, perhaps luring them into a trap.

- The US is rearming using massive airlifts during the ceasefire, as expected. The only scenario that makes sense is that Iran wants the US to launch the ground invasion so they can defeat and embarrass them. We’re only talking 50,000 troops. To put that in perspective, nearly 200,000 troops participated on D-Day during WW2 against 50,000 Germans. This time, it will be 50,000 Americans against hundreds of thousands of Iranians fighting defensively. If you know anything about warfare, the side on the offense takes triple the casualties of the defenders, which is why it took 200,000 Allied troops to defeat 50,000 Germans on D-Day. You literally need 4X the number to realistically win. The only way the US wins with a force of 50,000 is if Iran only has 12,500 soldiers or so to fight them. The IRGC alone (not to mention the Iranian military, just the IRGC) has 10X that number.

- One final note regarding Iran. The new Supreme Leader (the son of the previous one) had made no appearances and only one written statement since the beginning of the war, and a lot of people speculated that he was dead because he wasn’t saying or doing anything, but it turns out that he was in a 40-day religious mourning period. You know how in the Bible people would fast and pray for 40 days, and it had deep religious significance. Well, apparently, that’s where he’s been. He’s been mourning his father and family and preparing himself spiritually to lead his people, which is actually kind of wholesome. The 40-day mourning period just ended.

- So the bottom line regarding the war is that Iran isn’t cucking (much to my relief) but does seem to be deliberately allowing the US to prepare their ground invasion without resistance by playing along with the ceasefire. This does appear to be planned and intentional because Iran has no reason to cuck and beg for peace.

- Moving onto the markets:

- The markets soared based on “Hormuz Hope” despite nothing happening and the negotiations going nowhere. Like I said before, normies don’t respond to reality, only the TV. Only when the TV reports on it does it become real, so as long as the normies are being told Trump won and Iran is negotiating, they’re going to take that as a positive regardless of what’s really happening.
source: https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/hormuz-hope-sparks-stocks-longest-win-streak-6-months-bonds-bullion-bitcoin-bid , https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/us-stocks-extended-ceasefire-gains-israel-and-lebanon-said-hold-negotiations-next-week

- Oil is back below $100, with all blends of oil crashing 11-19% in a single day. Won’t they be surprised when the obvious and telegraphed thing happens?

- Not much else to talk about. The markets are at the mercy of the Iran war, and the war is in an intermission at the moment as the Regime rearms and Iran prepares for the ground invasion. I also heard a rumor that this was all China’s idea, and China encouraged Iran to go along with the ceasefire. Why? Because all the weapons that the Regime is using to rearm for the ground invasion are coming from Asia. These were the weapons that America was planning to use against China. The Regime has to consolidate all the weapons it still has to have a chance against Iran, so it makes sense for China to want Iran to allow it to happen. Iran is a nation of mountain fortresses that are impervious to air strikes, whereas China is full of vulnerable cities and delicate industrial infrastructure, which is highly vulnerable to missiles and airstrikes. Nothing would make China happier than for Iran to absorb these missile strikes and exhaust the United States into submission. It’s literally the best possible theater that BRICS could ask for.

- The bottom line is that the ground invasion has been postponed for a week or two, but it’s happening. The Technocrats are accusing Trump of having dementia and calling for him to be impeached and replaced by JD Vance, all according to plan. I’m glad to see my fears of Iran being betrayed and cucking were misplaced, and I’m excited to see what the new leader does now that his 40-day mourning period is done, since I know nothing about him, so getting into his head and adding him to my internal mental model will be fun and interesting.

Monkey’s Market Minute: April 9th, 2026

Disclaimer: Never take investment advice from strangers on the internet, especially monkeys. Learn how to manage your own money or seek out a professional who can give you personalized financial services. This newsletter is just my thoughts and opinions, and if you copy me and lose the money, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

- The ceasefire is basically over. The Strait of Hormuz is closed again, and Trump said the 10 points he agreed to are trash. The US tricked Iran into agreeing to a ceasefire so they can rearm, and Iran is playing along while only attacking Israel for some reason. The UAE attacked Iran, so the fighting didn’t stop. I’m concerned about Iran still moving forward with the planned negotiations in Pakistan despite the obvious bad faith of the US. I guess they need to be betrayed a third time in a row for some reason. I don’t think they’re cucking though, at least not yet.
source: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/apr/08/pakistan-us-israel-iran-ceasefire

- In Technocrat news, Tucker Carlson and Joe Kent are warning that Israel is controlling Trump and that Trump is leaving NATO to attack Turkey on behalf of Israel. Also, Trump threatened the Pope, like the actual Pope of the Catholic church. This is significant because, according to Kash Patel’s Mossad-assigned girlfriend, the Catholic church is somehow involved with the Technocrats in ways that I don’t fully understand, other than that they aren’t Zionists. Anyway, threatening the Pope wasn’t on my Bingo card. JD Vance is a Catholic, BTW, so the plot thickens regarding the Technocrats.

- There isn’t much else to talk about. I’m unsure what Iran is doing playing along with the negotiations. The markets rallied on the ceasefire for obvious reasons and are optimistic that the war is over, despite the missiles flying. The reason is simple: the markets don’t follow reality; they follow the TV. The TV says Trump won and Iran surrendered, so that’s why the market reacted. If the TV notifies the normies that Trump lied, then the markets will reverse. It’s actually shocking how blindly the markets continue to trust Trump after so many lies, but c’est la vie.

- The winners in the market today were:
o 1. Crypto
o 2. Industrials
o 3. Materials
o 4. Bitcoin
o 5. Information Technology
o 6. Consumer Discretionary
o 7. Financials

- The losers in the market today were:
o 1. The VIX
o 2. Brent Crude Oil
o 3. WTI Crude Oil
o 4. Natural Gas
o 5. Broad Commodities
o 6. Energy
o 7. The US Dollar

- I’m not sure why I’m even mentioning the markets since they’re just being manipulated by Trump’s lies and bullshit.

- So the bottom line is that Trump lied and tricked Iran into agreeing to a ceasefire, and he’s not doing anything he promised, so I don’t know what Iran is waiting for. Why are they playing along with this? They’re giving the impression that they’re cucking, but why would they do that when they were winning? Am I missing something? I’m seeing a lot of theories floating around social media, ranging from a tactical consideration to betrayal by government insiders. We’ll just have to see what happens.

Monkey’s Market Minute: April 7th, 2026

Tonight’s the night. The Regime is running out of missiles globally, and they’re launching their big attack. The ground invasion will almost certainly coincide with the bombing campaign. If the dust settles and Iran stands, I expect nukes to be used. No point talking about anything else, including the markets, because everything will be decided on the battlefield.

However, since I don’t want you to feel like I’m being lazy tonight, let’s talk about MeshCore/Meshtastic. These are technologies that allow you to use your smartphone to send and receive text messages without a network. Each device acts as a repeater, so the more people on the network, the faster and longer the range it is. It can’t be shut down by the government because there is no central hub; the entire network is distributed. The Regime promoted this technology for Iranian protestors earlier this year to get around Iran shutting the internet down during the coup attempt. That’s how powerful this technology is, and it’s not expensive. The apps are free, just search for “MeshCore” or “Meshtastic” in the app store. Those are two different networks with pros and cons, but we’ll talk about that later.

As far as hardware, a basic unit costs about $20 if you want to DIY it yourself and flash the drive. If you want a ready-made solution that works out of the box, it’s about $30. The unit I’m linking to is a two-pack for $65. Why two units? Well, you can keep one in your house and one in your car, or you could flash one for MeshCore and one for Meshtastic so that you have access to both networks. It’s up to you.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0F1CYWVLC

MeshCore/Meshtastic has its own community similar to ham radio operators, but they’re great not only for disaster preparation but if you’re an outdoor guy and like to camp in places where your cellphone doesn’t get good service, MeshCore/Meshtastic can be more reliable than a cellphone provider, and unlike something like Starlink, the units are small, cheap, and have no fees. You are the network.

The main difference between Meshtastic and MeshCore is how the traffic is forwarded. MeshCore is a newer and more reliable technology, so if you’re starting a network from scratch, go with MeshCore. However, Meshtastic has a lot of large established networks due to it being an older protocol, so if you’re looking to join a larger and more established network so that your devices have a longer range, Meshtastic might be better. Again, you can have both if you get the two-pack and install MeshCore on one device and Meshtastic on the other. Then you can switch between the two apps on your phone and use the one that works for you at that time.

MeshCore and Meshtastic may not be appropriate for everyone. If you’re going to be a wasteland warlord or operate in only a small group, a walkie-talkie might be all you need. However, walkie-talkies don’t scale well to larger organizations, which is where these other technologies fit in. There are lots of YouTube channels dedicated to the MeshCore/Meshtasic hobby and community, but you don’t have to become an expert to get started and have your communications infrastructure in place. Being able to communicate with your loved ones in an emergency when cell service is offline is priceless.

That’s all I’m going to talk about tonight. There’s no point talking about the markets or anything because it’s all going to be decided on the battlefield. See you tomorrow!

Monkey’s Market Minute: April 6th, 2026

Disclaimer: Never take investment advice from strangers on the internet, especially monkeys. Learn how to manage your own money or seek out a professional who can give you personalized financial services. This newsletter is just my thoughts and opinions, and if you copy me and lose the money, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

- I’ll be taking a break from the prep segment until I see something worth sharing. It won’t be a daily segment any longer, but more of a “here’s something I found that’s interesting that I haven’t mentioned before” thing.

- Supposedly Trump is going to destroy all the energy infrastructure in Iran in 24 hours, after which Iran will make the Middle East uninhabitable, even for Israel. I fully expect Trump to declare another round of negotiations and delay the promised attack until Friday, but we’ll see.
source: https://x.com/Phoxotic/status/2040960218071285799

- The plane that was shot down was resolved. According to western media, the pilot was saved and the planes that were destroyed weren’t shot down but were “stuck in sand” and the US blew them up themselves to prevent them from being captured. However, Iran has pictures of bodies in the planes, which wouldn’t make sense if they were stuck in sand and abandoned. It doesn’t really matter as the details of the rescue change literally nothing.
source: https://x.com/visionergeo/status/2040851407742660616 , https://x.com/MaxtheCrowhouse/status/2040937538970402979

- Iran released a video showing the new supreme leader in front of a monitor in an operations room with an image of Israel’s Demona nuclear facility and its coordinates, obviously as a warning that if Trump attacks their energy, they’re going to take out Demona.
source: https://x.com/realgerhardtvdm/status/2040967513471844629

- Ground invasion soon maybe? We’ll see.

- As far as the markets go, oil is around $110 The markets will likely be down as Trump seems to have given up trying to lie about the war being over since nobody believes him anyway.

- The bottom line is we’re still waiting on the ground invasion.

Monkey’s Market Minute: April 3rd, 2026

Disclaimer: Never take investment advice from strangers on the internet, especially monkeys. Learn how to manage your own money or seek out a professional who can give you personalized financial services. This newsletter is just my thoughts and opinions, and if you copy me and lose the money, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

- In today’s prep segment, I am actually running out of stuff to recommend that we haven’t already covered. Like I’ve said, it doesn’t take THAT much money to have a full disaster prep kit. The big ticket items like generators are obvious, but most disaster prep isn’t about having a $1,000 generator; it’s about having a little extra and knowing how to make it last and function without electricity. So in the spirit of that, for today I want to recommend the jar opener I use, which may be interesting to you because I have arthritis and have wasted more money than I want to admit buying jar openers that don’t work. This is the jar opening I use, and no, it doesn’t use electricity. It screws underneath a cabinet, and you just stick the jar into the teeth and turn it with both hands. It works way better than any other jar opener I’ve tried, and it’s not expensive. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09R8HBFQ9

- Let’s return to our regular analysis:

- Not much happened today in the Iran War. Pete Hegseth is firing a bunch of top generals who are warning him not to launch a ground invasion of Iran. He’s fired the Army Chief of Staff, two additional top generals, and the Army Chaplain of all people. It’s a really bad sign when your generals are telling you not to do something and that it’s suicide, and instead of listening to them, you fire them. I’m sure this is going to work out swimmingly.
source: https://x.com/OCOCReport/status/2039840624048828713 , https://x.com/disclosetv/status/2039866517311955062 , https://x.com/RT_com/status/2039881185556394027

- Still no idea when the ground invasion is going to happen. The smart money is this weekend, but who knows? With generals being fired, the military might be on the verge of mutiny. This is a very good sign for America’s future. It means that when the “moment of truth” happens, perhaps the military will actually do the right thing. I’m not saying the odds are favorable, but it’s possible.

- The winners in the market today were:
o 1. WTI Crude Oil
o 2. Brent Crude Oil
o 3. Broad Commodities
o 4. Real Estate
o 5. Bonds
o 6. Information Technology
o 7. Energy

- The losers in the market today were:
o 1. The VIX
o 2. Gold
o 3. Bitcoin
o 4. Consumer Discretionary
o 5. Natural Gas
o 6. Healthcare
o 7. Industrials

- Trump didn’t even try to prop the markets up today. They’re preparing for the ground invasion, and Trump is even saying that he’s going to cut welfare spending next year to increase the military budget, pretty much writing the Democrats’ campaign ads for them. He sacrificed everything for Israel and still lost. I hope the underage girls you fucked on that island were worth it.

- So the bottom line is that nothing happened today, and we’re still waiting on the big ground offensive to happen so we can move on to see if Israel launches nukes or if Trump is removed and JD Vance becomes President. Those are the two most likely scenarios based on my estimation. Be aware that I can’t see the future, and maybe they do something stupid that I didn’t consider, so don’t go betting on Polymarket and be mad at me if you lose money.

- Everyone got their nickels? You might want to get your nickels.

Monkey’s Market Minute: April 2nd, 2026

Disclaimer: Never take investment advice from strangers on the internet, especially monkeys. Learn how to manage your own money or seek out a professional who can give you personalized financial services. This newsletter is just my thoughts and opinions, and if you copy me and lose the money, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

- In today’s prep segment, I have an accessory for your mason jars, and that’s an electric vacuum sealer. If you use a vacuum sealer, you can use mason jars to dry pack things without using oxygen absorbers, which allows you to store dry goods long-term. This unit is electric, and while there are manual vacuum sealers, they cost 4X as much, and it’s not really worth it. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0GQ96RFN1

- Let’s return to our regular analysis:

- Not much to talk about since the show, unfortunately. Trump’s big announcement was that he’s going to send Iran “back to the stone age” over the next couple of weeks and essentially destroy everything, and Iran will do the same to Israel, so what’s changed? Nothing. No update regarding the ground offensive. Some people were expecting Trump to announce the war is over and call it quits, but he just continued to make threats and pout. This was after he lied his ass off about Iran begging for a ceasefire this morning. The markets crashed over Trump’s comments because they apparently thought Trump was finally going to TACO and end the war.
source: https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/uae-poised-join-anti-iran-operations-trump-rips-nato-paper-tiger-says-exit-beyond

- So we’re back to “we’ll see” apparently. While Trump decides when he’s going to launch the ground invasion, Iran will continue to spit-roast Israel with Hezbollah and the Houthis, so it’s not all bad.

- The markets are still fake and gay and will continue to be so until the government comes clean. The normies will just follow the TV, and the numbers will move based on whatever lie Trump says that day. It’s not even worth following until the war becomes more obvious to the average investor.

- Lastly, the Claude AI leak I reported on the show was apparently an elaborate April Fools' joke, and the code wasn’t leaked. The AI bubble is still fucked, and the RAM story involving OpenAI was real, but the Claude story wasn’t. I apologize for misleading you. I do my best, but nobody’s perfect.

- The bottom line is that nothing has changed. We’re waiting for the ground invasion and watching Iran and Israel fire missiles at each other. Fun times.

Monkey’s Market Minute: March 31st, 2026

Disclaimer: Never take investment advice from strangers on the internet, especially monkeys. Learn how to manage your own money or seek out a professional who can give you personalized financial services. This newsletter is just my thoughts and opinions, and if you copy me and lose the money, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

- In today’s prep segment, I’m once again searching for stuff on sale during Amazon’s Spring Sale, and I found a medical toolbox. I haven’t mentioned first aid kits before because most of them just contain bandages and some basic medication. You can just take an old backpack and put medical supplies in it, and it’ll be better and cheaper than most commercial first aid kits. However, this thing is more like a toolbox with different compartments to keep different materials separate. In fact, you could probably use a toolbox or a crafting box, but this one is white and feels more like a first aid kit than a repurposed tool or craft box would, and it’s on sale. It’s a good idea to keep all your medical supplies together so that you know what you have and know what you’re low on. Keep your bandages in one section, your medicines in another, your ointments and gels in another. 25% off, normally $40, on sale for $30. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0FLN6D2FX

- Let’s return to our regular analysis:

- The US dropped a tactical nuke on Iran’s missile city in Isfahan. The explosion is massive, but it’s unclear if it penetrated the mountain and destroyed the missile city. The explosion could be the missiles exploding within the city or the tactical nuke itself. Now that the Regime has used nukes, things are going to get spicy. The Regime has signaled to Russia and China that if you checkmate them and they can’t win, they’ll use nukes, and that will simply not stand. This just happened, so there has been no response yet.
source: https://x.com/A_G_L_G/status/2038770320304148625

- The ground invasion is still being prepared. It’s looking like it’s only about 10,000 or so troops, not 50,000, but this is likely intentional misinformation/propaganda. I expect the actual force to be closer to 50,000

- Regarding the markets, I was wondering what Trump was going to do to prop the markets up for another week since nobody believes his bullshit any longer, and the answer is that he threatened to destroy Iran and kill everyone in it, which caused the market to dump. Obviously, Iran didn’t surrender, and now the US is dropping tactical nukes. I wasn’t expecting the nukes to drop until after the ground invasion failed, but I guess we’re going to lead with the nukes and hope that Russia and China don’t say anything.
source: https://x.com/JesseBWatters/status/2038773832002023826 , https://www.rt.com/news/636737-trump-iran-more-threats/

- Sorry, I don’t have more information, but the Isfahan explosion happened an hour ago, and there's nothing in the media right now about it. Those weren’t just bunker busters. We’ve been hitting the missile cities with bunker busters all month, and they haven’t done shit. It will actually be interesting to see if they actually destroyed the missile city, or if the massive explosion was just from the tactical nuke itself, and didn’t even penetrate deep enough. These missile cities are 200 meters deep into a solid mountain, which is more or less the length of two football fields, but again, this just happened, so we don’t know if the massive explosion was merely a surface explosion or not.

- The winners in the market today were:
o 1. WTI Crude Oil
o 2. Brent Crude Oil
o 3. Bonds
o 4. Financials
o 5. Bitcoin
o 6. Broad Commodities
o 7. Utilities

- The losers in the market today were:
o 1. Natural Gas
o 2. Crypto
o 3. Information Technology
o 4. Industrials
o 5. The VIX
o 6. Energy
o 7. Agriculture Commodities

- The markets are excited by the prospect of more money printing and stimulus. They believe the crash is cancelled and we’re just going to “money printer go brrrr” straight into hyperinflation with no brakes. Maybe they’re right, who knows? With the Middle East on fire and oil heading to $200 a barrel, there’s no way in hell we avoid a recession, even with all the manipulation, so the markets can only bet based on whether or not the government allows a crash before they fire up the money printer, or if they go straight to the money printer, bypass the recession, and go straight to stimulus and bailouts. If that happens, there’s nothing to invest in, just buy commodities, and since the futures market is broken, that means metals, since they’re the only commodity you can physically hold, which isn’t subject to market manipulation. Then we just wait for the hyperinflation.
source: https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/just-another-manic-monday-narrative-shifts-stone-age-fears-stimmy-watch-cheers , https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/key-correlation-snaps-bond-market-starts-sniffing-out-next-stimulus

- Anyway, the ground invasion will likely happen tomorrow. There have been over 1,000 strikes in the last 24 hours in Iran, which is the MO for preparation of a ground invasion. They’re hoping to hit as much as possible so that they’re too busy dealing with the damage to defend themselves from the ground invasion. There is also a big announcement scheduled for tomorrow at 8 am by the “Department of War”, so my hunch is that it’s happening now. So here we go.
source: https://x.com/FinanceLancelot/status/2038756241468436969

- So the bottom line is that a lot just happened and may be happening shortly, and we’re just going to have to wait and see how it plays out. Using tactical nukes was unexpected, but what does the Regime have to lose at this point? I don’t see Iran cucking, and the Regime can’t defeat Iran with the 50,000 troops they have gathered, so to those about to die, we salute you.

Monkey’s Market Minute: March 30th, 2026

Disclaimer: Never take investment advice from strangers on the internet, especially monkeys. Learn how to manage your own money or seek out a professional who can give you personalized financial services. This newsletter is just my thoughts and opinions, and if you copy me and lose the money, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

- In today’s prep segment, I want to revisit some stuff that’s on sale right now during Amazon’s Spring Sale. I’m linking to a pair of night vision goggles that also function as a camera. You can attach it to a tripod and set it up for perimeter defense, or hold it in your hands and use it like a normal pair of goggles that can see in the dark. It’s normally $90, but currently 44% and available for $50. https://www.amazon.com/Night-Vision-Goggles-Adults-Binoculars/dp/B0FVCTR45Y

- Let’s return to our normal analysis:

- The spit-roasting of Israel continued today. The ground invasion is being prepared, but the issue is that I don’t think they know how they’re going to get the troops to Iran without taking missile fire. Flying a bomber to blow up a school and moving thousands of troops into position for a ground invasion are not the same thing.

- The Marines are preparing for their assault on Iranian islands to supposedly “open the Strait of Hormuz”, but the reason the Strait is “closed” is because Iran can shoot missiles at ships that try to go through without permission. They aren’t physically blocking anything, so landing troops on some islands changes nothing unless you can stop the missile attacks, which would require a full invasion of Iran. I am certain that the Marines are a distraction. I originally thought the Regime would use the Arabs as a distraction, but the Arabs have cucked out, so the Marines will be the distraction while the 82nd airborne, Rangers, Delta Force, etc., are all parachuted into Iran to conquer or die. That will be the final battle. SOCOM has about 20,000 operators. The 82nd has around 15,000 to 18,000 paratroopers. The number will be about 50,000 total, which is more or less what the original estimate was. These soldiers will not be replaced once they are lost.

- Also, since the US/Israel have begun attacking Iranian civilians, Iran gave them 24 hours to condemn Israel and hold them accountable for attacking civilians, or else Iran would begin retaliations. The Regime ignored the warning, and so the IRGC said they would begin targeting the residences of politicians in the region, and not just military targets. I’m sure the media is going to play their violin about how Iran attacked these innocent people and ignore the part that they attacked Iranian civilians first.
source: https://x.com/DD_Geopolitics/status/2038350202604843252

- As far as the markets go, they’re going to continue to be propped up using whatever contrivances the government can come up with. Everyone knows they’re lying, but they can’t stop lying. The ground invasion will decide everything.
source: https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/green-dot-sunday-non-negotiable-oil-stocks-down-war-begins-2nd-month , https://x.com/MyLordBebo/status/2038360363406684595

- Finally, as per the New York Times, the US is going to allow Russia to break the American blockade of Cuba and bring oil to Cuba without any interference. The future of Cuba will also be determined by the outcome of the ground invasion of Iran.
source: https://x.com/nytimes/status/2038367992715559000

- So the bottom line is that we’re waiting on the big battle, which will decide everything. I don’t see how logistically the US defeats Iran, a country the size of Western Europe with a population 1/3rd that of the US, with a million-man army, with 50,000 special forces. Seizing an island won’t stop the missiles at all. This is suicide. After that, we’ll see what Israel’s next move is, which will probably be nukes.

Monkey’s Market Minute: March 27th, 2026

Disclaimer: Never take investment advice from strangers on the internet, especially monkeys. Learn how to manage your own money or seek out a professional who can give you personalized financial services. This newsletter is just my thoughts and opinions, and if you copy me and lose the money, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

- In today’s prep segment, Amazon is having a Spring sale, and solar generators are on sale. The one I’m linking to is a Jackery unit with a 200W solar panel for under $700, normally $1,300. A solar generator is more of a “nice to have” instead of a “need to have, but they’re on sale right now, so if you’ve got the money, you can save several hundred dollars right now. https://www.amazon.com/Jackery-Generator-Portable-Off-Grid-Emergency/dp/B0D2L1G66J

- Let’s return to our normal analysis:

- TLDR: we’re still waiting on the ground offensive. The markets crashed, so Trump announced a 10-day pause due to “ongoing talks” that aren’t happening. The normies are finally realizing that Trump is full of shit and just making stuff up to prop the market up, and oil prices swiftly recovered despite Trump’s lies about a 10-day pause. Has the Orange Boy who cried wolf learned a valuable lesson about lying?

- Supposedly, Trump needs more time to get another 10,000 troops, but another 10,000 troops isn’t going to make a difference, and with air defenses depleted, they need to act sooner rather than later, so I still expect the ground invasion to happen this weekend. Trump is trying to lazily misdirect his obviously telegraphed move by pretending to wait.

- The markets aren’t buying the lies any longer, but Trump made it to Thursday, so close and yet so far. Tomorrow is going to be a bloodbath financially, and the weekend is going to be a bloodbath literally. Again, Trump's delay of the ground operation makes no sense because the markets are crashing, and Israel is being hammered by missiles due to the lack of air defenses.

- As I said during the show, if the ground offensive goes as badly as I expect, I anticipate Israel to nuke Iran and for the US to call a global summit to avoid nuclear war. This allows the Regime to avoid admitting defeat by Iran while still settling things with Russia and China.

- Alternatively, if Trump tries to call a draft or double down on the war after the failed ground operation, I expect the Technocrats to have Trump removed and install JD Vance as President. They will throw Israel entirely under the bus (which is fully justified BTW) and take control of the Regime in an attempt to keep it from collapsing entirely.

- We’ll see what fresh lies Trump comes up with tomorrow to try to prop the markets up one more day. Today, the White House posted a bunch of digitized images just to distract people. They’re completely fucked and out of options.

- I’m not posting market rankings or articles because the media is in damage control mode, even Zero Hedge is running propaganda. The Regime is losing its shit right now. Next up is the ground invasion, and then the nukes; either way, it’ll be over soon, and then we can get back to the stagflationary depression, hyperinflation, and civil war.

- Here is the IRGC spokesman riding a skateboard with a selfie stick and drinking a beverage while missiles are launched at Israel: https://x.com/i/status/2037289422312419519

Monkey’s Market Minute: March 26th, 2026

Disclaimer: Never take investment advice from strangers on the internet, especially monkeys. Learn how to manage your own money or seek out a professional who can give you personalized financial services. This newsletter is just my thoughts and opinions, and if you copy me and lose the money, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

- For today’s prep segment, I have an update regarding Project NOMAD. Several of you have confirmed that Linux on Android is a nightmare, so I took a closer look at Project NOMAD, and looked into the data sources that it uses and researched if I could access those sources using Android apps, and for the most part I could. I also researched some prepper sites and they recommended additional apps, so here is the list I came up with. You don’t need to worry about Project NOMAD and Linux, and most of these apps can be used offline if the internet goes down.

o KIWIX – This is the big one. It is an offline library app with an exhaustive list of books and documents you can download for later use. Here are some of the resources I downloaded.
 CD3WD Project – technical manuals for 3rd world developing countries to aid in sustainable development. Perfect for rebuilding society if needed. What’s good for shithole countries is even better for the post apocalypse.
 Medical Library – emergency medicine library
 Military Medicine – military medical manuals
 Project Gutenberg Library: Medicine – scanned digitized medical books
 USDA Guide to Home Canning
 WikEM – wiki for emergency medicine
 Wikipedia – an offline copy of Wikipedia

o OsmAnd – Offline maps with GPS functionality (if active)

o Seek by iNaturalist – Allows you to identify plants with your phone’s camera. Requires internet unfortunately.

o First Aid: American Red Cross

o Pet First Aid: American Red Cross

o Police Scanner 5.0: Allows you to listen in on the police scanner of your area

o Army Knots

o Llamao – This is another big one. The reason Project NOMAD required Linux is because Olama requires Linux. Llamao only has one free model, but you can unlock the others for $5, and frankly, having someone make these open source models compatible with Android so I don’t have to use Linux is worth $5. You get Llama 3.2 for free. There is even a version of Llama 3.2 with all the guardrails removed so it’s totally uncensored. You can even use Deepseek. These models all run locally on your phone privately and offline.

o Google Translate – You can use Google Translate offline, but you have to download the language packs ahead of time. This app is useful for obvious reasons.

o Bitchat/MeshCore/Meshtastic – I’ll talk more about these later, but all you need to know right now is that these allow you to text using your phone even if the cell network goes down with other people nearby who are on the same network (or mesh). Bitchat doesn’t require any additional hardware, but is short range (Wifi). MeshCore and Meshtastic have long range, and I’ll talk more about them another time. I’m just mentioning them here now because you’ll want these apps on your device.

o Kolibri – This was included in Project NOMAD as a learning resource. You can download educational material here, but it all has to be downloaded individually, so unless you have small kids and are planning to homeschool, this isn’t really worth it, but better than nothing. You’re better off just buying hardcopy versions of homeschool materials if you have kids, but I’m including the app here on this list because it was part of Project NOMAD.

o iHunt 750 – This app allows you to make animal sounds with your phone to assist with hunting, and has other useful tools for hunters to use.

o Finally there are two premium apps that cost $5, and are worth considering:
 SAS Survival Guide
 Smart Tools

- You can find all these apps just by searching for them, so I’m not providing any links. If you download these apps, you have all the functionality of Project NOMAD and then some without having to deal with LINUX at all. Hooray!

- Let’s return to today’s analysis

- There isn’t much to talk about that I didn’t already cover on the show. The ground invasion is happening this weekend, and everyone knows it, including Iran.

- With Iraq and Qatar siding with Iran, the Regime has recruited some Africans to be their disposable distraction fodder instead. Djibouti and Uganda has joined the fight for Israel. Die well, retards.

- We’ll see what happens this weekend. It’s going to be a disaster.

- The markets are just ignoring Trump’s constant lies about negotiations and just going along with it. The markets are rigged, what do you want me to say? It’s not going to matter once the ground invasion fails. A lot of Jews are expecting the war to be over in two weeks because its almost Passover, and they’re God’s chosen people, right? Surely they wouldn’t get their fucking asses kicked before Passover, would they?
source: https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/stocks-bonds-shrug-oil-apprehension-about-peace-proposal-bitcoin-bullion-bid

- It’s not worth posting any market news, it’s all fake and gay.

- The bottom line is that this is it. It’s the countdown to the big final battle. Will the US take the Strait of Hormuz with a combination of marines, special forces, and airborne paratroopers alongside Arab and African mercenaries? Or will Iran blot out the sun with their drones and blow them all to hell? We’ll find out together this weekend. The markets will do whatever the government wants for the foreseeable future. We don’t have a market anymore, just a rigged casino.

Monkey’s Market Minute: March 24th, 2026

Disclaimer: Never take investment advice from strangers on the internet, especially monkeys. Learn how to manage your own money or seek out a professional who can give you personalized financial services. This newsletter is just my thoughts and opinions, and if you copy me and lose the money, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

- I was busy all day trying to successfully put Linux on an old Samsung smartphone so I can have Project NOMAD on a phone, but it’s a nightmare. I hate Linux so much. The irony is that Android is based on Linux, so you’d think it would be easy, but you would be wrong. Once I figure it out, I’ll post a guide because I think having Project NOMAD on a phone is really important. I get why they need to have it on Linux. When shit goes down, you can only rely on open-source software, but it’s a pain in the ass. I’ll figure it out, though. If any of you have successfully put Linux on a phone or gotten Project NOMAD working, let me know.

- Let’s return to our normal analysis:

- What a crazy 24 hours. Apparently, the attack on Iran’s energy infrastructure was fake news (I do my best to find reliable sources, but nobody is perfect). In the morning, Trump announced that Iran is making a deal and that the Regime isn’t going to attack Iran’s energy, and they’ll give them 5 more days to work out the details of the deal. MAGA went nuts, the stock market rallied, oil futures crashed, and gold and silver crashed. Even Iran saying that it was bullshit repeatedly couldn’t darken people’s mood. I saw MAGAtards accusing Iran of lying about Trump lying and that they definitely made a deal because Trump 4D chess or some shit. Well, as soon as the markets closed, the Regime attacked Iran’s energy (it’s confirmed this time). Iran has already begun their counterattack. The UAE has no energy, and Iran is going to make the Middle East uninhabitable.
source: https://x.com/RickSanchezTV/status/2036100196031955328 , https://x.com/IRTruePromise/status/2036243051086283047

- So what the hell was all of this about? Why make up talks to pump up the markets for a single day? Well, it appears that it was just a ploy to make some money by manipulating stocks. They didn’t save the markets; they only bought themselves a single day, but insiders were able to buy right before the announcement and profit before the lie became obvious. I originally thought that Trump was trying to buy time for the ground invasion (which isn’t ready yet), but no, he was just trying to make some money through market manipulation and insider trading.
source: https://x.com/PeterLBrandt/status/2036219305000575417

- Anyway, let’s watch the fireworks together.

- I’m not even going to post the market movement today. It was all blatant market manipulation by Trump, knowingly lying about peace talks that he made up to manipulate the market for less than a day. I knew the casino was rigged, but goddamn, this is just criminal behavior.

- We’re going to see some serious shit this week. Anything could happen. The gloves are off, and Israel is doomed. I hope Demona gets destroyed quickly before they can launch the Samson Option, then we can do the YubYub dance.
source: https://x.com/IslanderWORLD/status/2036175700365889861

- The bottom line is that there’s too much going on to go over. Lots of unconfirmed reports that I’m not going to repot on until I know more and get confirmation that they aren’t bullshit. It’s going down, though, and the Regime is finished. Prepare for some serious shit. The economy and the markets will tank soon, especially as Iran reveals their hand and the Regime realizes how fucked they are.